I spent the last week in Myrtle Beach, SC swimming with children, bathing myself in sunscreen, and doing some thinking about life down by the boardwalk. Consider this a print-out of those thoughts:
1. This whole YOLO thing isn’t going way.
YOLO, or You Only Live Once, is the “WWJD” of this decade, as about half the shirts and hats I saw on the boardwalk bear the acronym. It also goes on my official List of Things I Never Thought Would Last Longer Than Two Years, which includes energy drinks, Taylor Swift and text messaging.
2. If I ever see my daughter wearing a “Beer Slut” shirt she will be grounded for months, and then forced to wear a turtleneck and corduroy pants for the rest of her life.
3. Cruise by Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly kinda makes me wish I had a brand new Chevy with a lift kit…
4. My two year-old son is in love and he doesn’t care who knows it!!!
5. We have a twin stroller and a baby stroller. So naturally our twins fight like savages over who gets to ride in the baby stroller.
6. My wife doesn’t think hotel maids need to be tipped. I, however, vehemently disagree and think they deserve to be tipped.
7. I totally forgot our anniversary.
8. The pool is no place to call a toddler’s bluff on the subject of going “poop.” Moving on…
9. Restaurants that slip a $.50 charge on the bill for each little Dixie cup of ice water served should be shamed publicly.
10. Whoever invented spray-on sunscreen deserves a Nobel Prize as far as I’m concerned – a mind-blowingly genius invention on the same level as air conditioning and the bunk bed.
11. Navigating a double stroller through heavy pedestrian traffic on the boardwalk is pretty much the worst thing ever. It involves a lot of this: “Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.” Now repeat…
12. “No, daddy, no!” I hear that quite a bit now, and will probably continue to hear that for at least the next 18 years. Nooooo!!!!
13. Getting our toddlers to leave an arcade without crying is simply impossible.
14. Watching Shark Week minutes before heading out to swim in the ocean is kind of terrifying.
15. The 1200 N Ocean Boulevard at which we arrived after 8 grueling hours of driving is about 45 minutes from the 1200 N Ocean Boulevard we really needed to get to. Dang you iPhone Navigation!!!!
16. Continental breakfasts are so underrated. I applaud the hotel industry for making this pretty much standard. Now let’s start working on Continental lunches, dinners and midnight snacks…
17. There is an ocean and four amazing pools at this hotel, and naturally our kids want to spend almost all of their time on these 90+ degree days in the 102+ degree hot tub.
18. Watching hundreds of disgusting catfish eat little pieces of grain is strangely fascinating to me. Is that weird?
19. There is nothing worse than trying to enjoy a delicious fruity beverage in a lazy river, and having rowdy teenagers ruin EVERYTHING by turning it into a racetrack. #firstworldproblems.
20. When your son wants to ride the giraffe but someone else takes it and all that’s left is a horse, carousel rides are only medium-fun.
21. At what point during the course of an eight hour drive is it no longer a lie to tell your children that they’re “almost home”? After two hours? Three?
22. Nothing will make you run through a fast food restaurant faster than seeing your two-year old daughter naked in the play place. Like, totally, completely, 100% naked. Not even socks.
23. In high school, I came here for “Beach Week.” Now, 12 years later, it’s referred to as “a week at the beach,” and trust me there’s a huge difference.
24. You know you’re a mom when…
25. This is what 95% of our family pictures look like:
26. The Ferris Wheel is the only place in Myrtle Beach that offers a military discount.
27. My daughter sleeps with her bottom pretty much straight up in the air. Which is amazing.
28. And lastly, thank you, Gunnery Sgt. Ryan Jeschke, USMC.
A year ago this week, Jeschke was killed while honorably defending our country in Afghanistan. He was a hardcore special ops Marine serving his fifth active duty deployment. Five deployments. He embodied “YOLO” before YOLO became YOLO.
May God bless his wife and family, and may our family never forget the sacrifices others have made so that we can spend a week playing in an arcade, drinking in a lazy river, and yes, chasing my naked daughter through a Chick-fil-A.