16 Survival Tips From A Fellow Father of Twins
When I found out my wife was pregnant with twins, I asked as many people as I could for their advice on parenting. What I usually got was real sentimental stuff about how I should “cherish every minute” because “before you know it, they’re grown.” Now that’s nice, and it’s probably true, but it wasn’t very helpful at 4am with I was rocking a frantic baby for the millionth time, or when I was alone with the kids and poop was freaking everywhere.
So. After some collaboration with my wife, I present to you a list of practical advice specifically geared toward future and current fathers of young twins. I note that I’m not an expert on twins, parenting, or pretty much anything. But I can change two diapers in less than 30 seconds, and dang it, that should count for something. With credentials established, here it goes:
1. Don’t bother buying two of everything.
Ahh twins, so cute. Matching outfits, matching cribs, and matching toys are an obvious necessity, right? Umm, wrong. First off, matching clothes is something I pretty much never do because our children are actual people with unique personalities and not some public freak show. Furthermore, the “get-two-of-everything” approach is a big mistake because twins would rather steal from each other than each have their own. If you really wanna plan ahead, get extra diapers and coffee instead.
2. Don’t plan on vacationing for, like, a really long time.
Oh gosh. Flashbacks. Jamaica. Our kids were seven months old. Between the flight, subsequent ear infection, lack of sleep, and lack of sanity, they pretty much cried the whole time. And come to think of it, I did too. Trips to visit new grandparents are much different because, to the glory of God, many of them don’t mind holding fussy babies. To recap: trips to visit family, decent idea; trips to a hotel in “paradise” with ultra thin walls and no room for a bouncy seat, terrible idea.
Now everyone stop crying and smile!
3. When people offer to hold your children, accept immediately and enjoy every last second of glorious freedom.
If someone wants to hold a baby, THEN FOR GOODNESS SAKE LET THEM! Social functions with lots of young single women or empty nesters are great for this, and church seems to be a place where both are in abundance. So if you’re a nonbeliever with twins, go to church and be saved in more ways than one.
Who wants him???
4. Don’t *EVER* do the shopping.
T.W.I.N.S. is an acronym for They Will Immediately Nullify your Savings. A double dose of diapers, wipes, formula, clothes, more diapers, more wipes, and more formula is a formula for near bankruptcy, and its best you remain blissfully ignorant of how much all of this is costing you. Now stop asking questions and fork over the platinum!
5. Don’t out-complain your friends dealing with “just one” baby.
Twins provide an endless arsenal of complaints about pretty much everything. Nothing will make you lick your chops more than a friend who complains about how they had to change one poopy diaper the other day when you literally just changed, like, five of them. My advice: constantly remind yourself that raising children is really tough– even for new parents of “just one.” And then be amazed by the dads of triplets out there who think you have it easy with “just two!”
6. Go out on a date every once in a while.
It’s probably not gonna happen every week, or even every two weeks. But hopefully at least once a month you can pull your wife out of the combat zone and take her to dinner – with no kids. While you’re there, let the most stress-inducing topic of conversation be what you’ll be having for dessert. And whatever you do, don’t let your wife call to check up on the little ones. She doesn’t want to know what’s really going on…
7. Give mom a decent night of sleep at least once every week.
On Friday nights, I was in charge. I got up with the kids, fed them, rocked them, and took care of them from 11pm to 9am. My wife slept alone those nights, and in return, she ensured that I had relatively-good sleep for the rest of the week. She was also just overall nicer to me. Those mornings were tough, but trust me: the best wife is a rested wife.
8. Take tons of pictures.
Chances are mom will be too occupied to take the pictures that are truly magical, like the ones where they’re throwing a fit for no reason, or stuck in the dryer, or split seconds away from having a hand bitten by a pig. Also, digital cameras put the cost of each picture at $0.00, so there’s literally nothing to lose. Instagram that baby!
9. Don’t compare your kids to others who seem to be developing much faster.
Odds are your twins will communicate with the non-verbal language they developed as POWs in the womb. So as much as they would love to shout out their letters, numbers and colors, you may have to settle for “moo” or “da-da” for a while – a looooong while. Also, twins are born ridiculously early. So while my son is in the bottom percentile for weight, height and other measurable indicators of whether he’ll be a star quarterback one day, I take delight in knowing he’ll make an amazing prom date one day.
10. Find one-on-one time for both children.
My son wakes up early and loves to play catch, so we get a lot of time together. Unfortunately, my daughter does neither, and her affection is much harder to come by. So, every now and then I will take her out – just us – and pay for whatever she can hold onto at the dollar store, or treat her to some delicious McDonald’s soft serve. The result: she likes me for a little while.
11. Teach those babies how to sleep!
At around four or five months, just start plopping your babies in their cribs for a nap at the same time every day and don’t feel guilty when they scream bloody murder for the next 30 minutes – it’s all just part of the learning process. And when your bachelor friends make fun of you for leaving a party early because it’s “way past their naptime” and the kids are “all off today,” just know I was right there with you, brother. Now hurry home before bedtime gets screwed up too!
12. Master the art of something helpful, like giving baths or taking long walks.
Apparently my wife isn’t a big fan of showering while two infants scream just yards away. To keep my wife sane (and sanitary), I would occasionally strap the kids in the stroller and walk them for a solid 30 minutes while I chatted with whoever was willing to help me kill the time (thanks mom!). As for me, well, I just pretty much stopped showering altogether…
13. Pray. Like, all the time.
Pray with them and pray for them. Pray that ear infections go away, pray that they eat better, and pray for two successive days without some new sickness they will soon share. Seriously, just pray. And when they’re answered, you’ll know better than to take them for granted. Amen?
14. Actually play with your kids for a few minutes every single day.
Stop everything you’re doing and roughhouse with the kids. You should see my daughter’s face when I playfully declare “TICKLE TIME!”, or the look of excitement my son gets when I grab a whiffle ball and head outside. My wife would much rather I help make a few frowns dissapear than help make a few dishes disappear… and frankly so would I.
15. If possible, hire a maid for a while.
I’ve never really cared about a little dust on the headboard or toothpaste in the sink. Heck, if I put the toilet seat down I’m having a good day. But my wife cares about these things and had absolutely no time to clean. So, we had a maid come over every other week and it really seemed to help my wife calm down about the house. Usually by the time I got home there were already clothes, toys and crackers all over the place… but the floor sure did smell like Pine-Sol!
16. Just survive the first 9 months or so. You got this!
For months I found myself thanking God it was Monday. Weekends and holidays were a grind, and I was a ticking time bomb when holding the babies so my wife could go to the bathroom. Perhaps it didn’t help that I was working full time and going to law school at night during the worst of it. But somewhere around 9 or 10 months, they started sleeping a bit more regularly, getting sick less, and playing more – which was amazing. Now they’re two, and they absolutely adore each other… except when they fight over a toy.
If only we had two of everything…
Hold On Daddy's Coming! 
Thanks for sharing! How do I subscribe to blog?
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Thanks! There should be a “follow” button somewhere. I am actually not quite sure how it all works.
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ALL I CAN SAY YOU ARE LUCKY YOU HAD ONLY TWO, HOW ABOUT SIX??? KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, JUST LOVE THEM, AND LIKE YOU SAID PRAY A LOT
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Wow! I cant imagine taking this rollercoaster of stress, joy, anguish, misery, and hilarity and multiplying it by three. God bless you!
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I can relate to *everything* on that list! You have such a great way of communicating it, top! Thanks for sharing,i know my husband will get a laugh out of it as well. 🙂
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Awesome! Thanks for your kind comments!
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He’s got the moves!! Awesome!
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Wish I could say he got those moves from me! Thanks!
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Thanks! This is great. My husband and I have 8 month old twins, Boy and Girl, They are awesome and we are starting to see some light at the end of the ‘crazy’ tunnel of the infancy stage. 🙂 Thanks for your post it made me laugh, and think back to some of the things we’ve done in these short 8 months. It sure does go by fast.
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Indeed it does. 8 months was definitely the beginning of the end of the chaos for us. Thanks for sharing!
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Awesome post! Made me laugh so hard! From a mom of two-year-old twins who is having a rare moment by herself at a cafe enjoying a latte
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Thanks so much! I’ll cheer to that!
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Lots of fabulousness going on right here! Our boy/girl twins turned one yesterday, and we’re just starting to enjoy them as people, instead of screaming, pooping blobs of skin. The craziness was completely worth it. 🙂
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Thanks and congratulations! May the fun begin!
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Congrats 🙂 I’m not a parent but I loved reading this. I think approaching the task with humour and love is what makes a good parent and you have both of those in spades 🙂
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Thank you so much!!! Amazingly awesome comment
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Loved it! Thanks for sharing your wit and wisdom (and the family photos). As a mommy of 18 month old fraternal twin boys, I can so relate. Just finished reading it to hubby and he thought it was great as well. BTW, thanks for including prayer as one of your 16.
The time does go way too fast although in many instances it seemed to just stand still. When that happens take a deep breath knowing that you will indeed make it through the adversity. Cherish every minute and laugh accordingly. We feel we are so doubly-blessed even though they can be double trouble at times (LOL).
Can’t wait to share this with our multiples group.
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That’s awesome. It’s such a blessing having two, we are always amazed by Gods plan for us. Thanks!
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Wonderfully done. I’m a father of twin girls myself. Everything you have said is true. If I may add only one more thing..
Every morning and night and every other opportunity in-between, tell your wife how incredibly stronger she is, and take a moment to tell her (uber-mom) you ‘love her’ endlessly for your children. Because ‘she is’ and ‘you do’. Best wishes. r
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Great perspective and so true! I am glad you mentioned that cuz its probably the most important thing of all!
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Awesome, loved it! Our boy/girl twins are 20 months old now and though easier in many ways than when they were tiny, it’s still a tornado around here. I’ll definitely be sharing this with my husband!!
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We’ve got our own tornado going on over here as well, but the prognosis is for survival. Thanks!
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Loved this! I have a 3 year old girl and bbg triplets that are 15 months so life is crazy, but so much fun! You absolutely have to roll with the punches and pray every chance you get. You’re rocking this and how lucky your wife is to have such an awesome husband to go through this journey with!!
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Yea I bet your life is crazy! Thank you for the comment and encouragement!
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Awesome Post… Video was fantastic… Boy’s got SOUL!!
No kids, and this was still a fun read~
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He does indeed have soul…I need to learn some of his moves. But seriously…KENTUCKY?!?! 🙂
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I am a grandmother of 2 sets of twins and I read this to be supportive of the parents. We do volunteer to babysit. The 2 boy twins are 4 and full of energy and the second set is 6 months old and a boy and girl. They live close and we are lucky for that. We keep all kinds of toys and fun items for children to want to come to our house. My husband is as willing as I am to have the babies or the older ones over.
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Two sets of twins?? Sounds like you are a lifesaver! Grandparents definitely can take a lot of the stress away. Good for you.
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I’m the newsletter editor for the Madison Area (WI) Mothers of Multiples group. Would you mind if I reprinted your article in our monthly e-newsletter? I rarely see anything geared for fathers of twins. I think our members would find humor and good info in your article.
Thanks for considering.
Rebecca
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Rebecca,
Of course, I’d be honored! Can you send me a copy? (will email you my address…) And thanks for that wonderful comment.
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You are a really REALLY good writer. Hilarious. Congratulations. And congratulations on your twins too.
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Thank you so much! They are great!
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Good Lord, where were you when we had twins and I could have handed over the laptop to my hubby so that he could have read some of this awesome advice? (Um… especially the part about giving mom a good sleep one night per week??!)
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Trust me, Im no saint and I let my wife know darn well that I was super sleepy those saturdays 🙂
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We have two kids (not twins), and a third on the way. I laughed out loud at some of this, and choked up at some of it. Your advice is wonderful for all dads, not just dads of twins. Sounds like you and your wife are doing a fantastic job with the kids. God bless you both!
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Wow, thank you so much Beth. Were doing the best we can, but obviously were SO far from perfect. God bless you!
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My twin daughters are nearly 22 years old and I am waiting for my first grandbaby due in April from the [slightly] elder twin. It does get easier as they get older – just remember this: even when they’re about to become parents themselves – they still care which was born first [even if it was only six minutes ‘first’] and; no matter how old they are, no matter how far apart they live – if you take on one twin, you better be ready to take ’em both on! Good luck – these are the best years and you’ll look back one day and not remember the draw backs as much as you remember the great times. Cheers!
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Excellent perspective – thank you for sharing. I’ve always wondered whether Jimmy will hold the fact that he entered this world 45 seconds earlier than his sister over all of us. Seems as though I can expect he will 🙂
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Great piece. Have been reading a lot of the women’s side no this was a great change of culture.
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Hi, I absolutely love this article. I have read it 100 times. It is truly accurate and when I go back I time and compare it with my twins. Your babies is probably so big now. Any advice for a dad of twins Turing two? It’s been a roller coaster up till now. Can only imagine things will het pretty interesting from now on.
Hedrik from RSA.
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